I just spent four days participating in my first art retreat with Flora Bowley called Bloom True.  I want to write about it now before I slip back into my normal life and the fiery glow dissipates.  

Last year I participated in my first retreat ever, a Brene Brown Daring Way retreat, with my friend Gina.  I never wrote about in detail and I really wish I would have documented more.  Both were life changing, which sounds so cliche, but its so true.  

​Like the Daring Way retreat, I went in feeling terrified and vulnerable and left feeling forever grateful for the incredibly transformative experience.  Right now, I'm a couple days out, thirsting for more, raw with emotion, open to possibility, and embracing connection.  

This was more than an art retreat.  

​It was a total mind, body, and soul experience.  Flora (and her amazing team) curate a long weekend of magic that goes beyond painting.  There's so much to savor - the welcome meditation exercise, the stunning studio space in industrial Portland, gift bags full of goodies, delicious food (platters of gorgeous treats from LoveShovel and catered meals from local restaurants), optional morning yoga with Lynx, gifted mini paintings from Flora, live music from a local musician, a pop-up tea shop, an extended wine and pizza painting night, and Pearl the therapy dog.    

Vulnerability is hard.  

That's not to say I didn't struggle.  I ended day two with a meltdown, frustrated beyond belief, convinced I'd wasted my time and money, and questioning whether I wanted to return.  

Looking back, it's hard to believe I felt this way.  The third day I had major breakthroughs, overcame the fear, and worked it out.

​By the fourth day, I knew it was worth every penny and valued the process.    

This is my finished painting.  I learned so much about mark making, color, depth, bold moves, and layering.  Oh, the layers!  So many layers of paint here.  I had a couple folks offer to buy it before it was even done and several more since it's completion.  That's shocking and terrifying, but mostly, it's awesome and exciting and encouraging.  

​I came home, rearranged my craft room, and created a painting studio space.  Flora encouraged us to create 100 paintings and practice practice practice.  

So 99 more paintings to go.  

A few months ago, after taking Kelly Rae Robert's mantra painting course, I decided to try my hand at painting faces.  I surprised myself with how much I enjoyed it and they turned out better than I anticipated.  Shortly thereafter, Kelly announced an angel painting class.  The timing was unreal and I signed up right away.  In this first painting, she teaches how to use oil pastels, which I'd never used and I'm looking forward to experimenting with more.  

  Here's a couple progress photos, which show the evolution of this painting.  

Also, here's a painting I created a couple months ago, which I never shared and want to document here.  I'm curious how my work will evolve through the next six months of this course as I incorporate my style with Kelly's techniques.  

And just like that, I've totally lost all creative inspiration.  I finally have some time to make stuff and I feel stuck.  I keep walking into my craft room, looking around, and walking right back out.  I haven't painted in over a month and I hurriedly scrapped this Scrap Our Stash DT layout last week with little motivation.  Thankfully, I'm starting an online painting class with Kelly Rae Roberts in October and I have a painting/yoga retreat with Flora Bowley in November.  I've been eagerly awaiting both and I hope it jumpstarts my creative energy.

The second September challenge for Scrap Our Stash includes the following sketch and instructions to use 3 or more school supplies in your layout.  I made a pretty straight forward layout and I incorporated stars, staples, paper clip, lined paper, and tape.  

Close-ups!

Years ago, likely in my first and last college drawing class, I decided I couldn't draw or paint people.  That was over fifteen years ago and I haven't tried since.  Today I stared at several background and felt stuck.  On a whim, I decided to try creating faces again, but this time using a different and less realistic style.  I incorporated a mixed media background, stayed loose, imperfect, and messy with my lines, and didn't have any expectations about the results.  

Except that I loved everything about the process, my mind was racing with different ideas, and I couldn't wait to paint more.  I felt inspired, to say the least.  So I kept painting.  

This time I added more techniques from Kelly Rae Robert's Mixed Media Mantras e-course.  I added medium through a stencil to create a resist, layers of acrylic paint, stamping, and collage.  

Here's my sixth canvas for the Kelly Rae Robert's Mixed Media Mantras e-course.  I've got mixed feeling about this one.  I'm not sure I love it as a whole, but I like the close-ups and the detail work.  What's funny is that I was totally feeling this piece throughout the whole process until I put it all together.  I feel like I'm trying so hard to incorporate new techniques, find my style, and plan ahead that I'm struggling more.  Go figure.  I think for the next one I'll go back to her videos, use her style and recommendations, and keep it simple.  

All the little details seem to get lost when you look at it as a whole, but I appreciate that you can see all of them when you look at it up close.  There's stamps, stencils, washi tape, and paint graduation throughout the background and collages pieces.  

I'm still learning how to use these paint pens, but I can already see I'm going to love them.  They splatter a bit when used on the rough parts of the canvas, but I'm getting the hang of it.  Besides, happy mistakes!

Here's my fifth canvas for the Kelly Rae Robert's Mixed Media Mantras e-course.  I started with her mixed media background techniques, but wanted to play with my new pasco paint pens and draw.  For as long as I can remember, I've always doodled.  I used to get in trouble for this in school, because teachers thought I was ignoring them.  Now I teach high school students about understand their learning styles and encourage doodlers to use it their advantage.  Lately, I've been more intentional in my drawings, practicing different styles (usually botanicals and lettering), and thinking about how I can incorporate it into my paintings.    

Here's my fourth canvas for Kelly Rae Robert's Mixed Media Mantras e-course and the first one that felt effortless.  I didn't critique every move, continually wonder what I was doing wrong, or question what I should be doing instead.  My self doubt gremlins were in check.  Progress!    

I started this one entirely with collage.  While I've hidden most of the collaged background, I love the dimension it continues to add to the painting.  I incorporated flower doodles, doilies, and stenciled and tinted modeling paste, which continues to meld my art journaling and scrapbooking elements into my painting.    

My second canvas for Kelly Rae Robert's Mixed Media Mantras e-course!  While I still struggle with moving quickly and find myself over-thinking e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, it's getting easier.  For example, I'm normally very particular about my stamp placement and making sure it aligns perfectly, but I challenged myself to loosen up.  I am growing to appreciate the inconsistencies and happy mistakes.  

I made a bunch of my own stencils and borders (thank you cameo die cut machine!), but I need to find old books and images for collaging.  And I need more paint.  One thing at a time.  I just love this process so much.  It feels like the perfect transition from art journaling and scrapbooking.  

I've completed all the lessons in Kelly Rae Robert's Mixed Media Mantras e-course and made my first painting.  I loved the background, but moved between frustration, adoration, and dislike for this finished piece.  I feel like I added too many small collage elements, I really wish I would have done a different placement with the mantra, and the balance is off.  However, as the day progressed, I gave myself permission to be imperfect and reminded myself several things: I'm still learning, stay unattached, this is only the beginning.   

It's a million degrees outside, Jayden is making strawberry shortcake, we're watching Orange is the New Black, and I've just spent a day painting, painting and painting some more.  Yesterday I got fantastic news that I'll share soon.  Life is sweet.  

I've been reflecting on the last year a lot.  One year ago at this time I had recently finished the Brene Brown e-course, which transformed my life in so many ways.  The one way that still resonates now is my creative expression.  An art journal lead to discovering mixed media, to a renewed passion for scrapbooking, to the creation of this blog, to entering (and winning) many design challenges, to being on three design teams, to getting my work published for the first time.  

Now it feels like I'm on the next step of this journey, taking Kelly Rae Robert's Mixed Media Mantras e-course.  I feel awakened once again.  I spent the last week writing my stories, peeling away the layers, and developing my mantras.  During one of the exercises we thought of two people we admired and answered several questions before reflecting on our answers.  Here's what I wrote in my journal:  This was a challenging and revealing activity for me. I chose two folks – my dear friend and Brene Brown. I think they both have a lot in common, actually. Above all, I appreciate how they both encourage joyful, passionate, genuine, and heart centered living. It’s not a life without challenges, as both have weathered criticism, embraced imperfection, and shared their vulnerability. However, they both seem to live in the light, whatever shade that may be at the time. Thus, my mantra: Authenticity in a prism of light.

Today I started painting and could hardly stop.  I spent hours on my (now sore) feet.  It was worth it.  I did the entire second section of the class, which focussed on the layering process.  Before starting, I gave myself permission to unleash and be uninhibited.  I'm always so restrained, worried about being messy and wasting materials, and thinking ahead.  I wanted to let go.  

Here's the scene when I first started painting my layers.  I used my quilting table and repurposed on old vinyl tablecloth that I sewed years ago for our dining table.  So many of the tools I use for scrapbooking have come in handy for mixed media painting, including my spray mists, inks, stamps, paper, and stencils.  

Here's my stopping point for today.  Layers, layers, layers.  I have no idea what's next, but I am excited to see where this goes as I finish up the videos.